Friday, September 26, 2008

A Sage moment

Sage asked, "Do you ever wish you had a girl?"

I replied, "No, never. Never have I wished that I had a girl."

Sage, "Why?"

"Because I love my dirty, smelly, crazy boys."

"Don't forget disgusting" Sage said.

"Oh yeah, disgusting too."

Then I added, "I love everything about you, just the way you are....... although you could talk back less."

And with a devilish grin, Sage said, "In your dreams."

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't

Here's my problem with blogging. I know I should blog more often, probably everyday. However, it's all about integrity. I cannot put something out there that I don't think is up to my high standards--maybe not high so much as moderately high or low to moderately high--yes, that's it, low to moderately high standards. I have to be inspired to blog and my day to day life sometimes is not that inspiring. You people really don't want to hear about my endless battle with laundry--I wash the clothes, I dry the clothes, I put the clothes in the basket, I am too tired to put the clothes away, the cat pees on the clothes in the clean laundry basket, I wash the clothes, I dry the clothes...

You definitely don't want hear about how my eyes had an allergic reaction to my contacts and how they were all bloodshot and drunk looking. And how I had to wear my nerdy glasses for a week straight and I hated it. But my friends at work thought I looked sexy and called me "The Naughty Librarian."

I do not want to bore you with stories about Alan's ring rash--it's on his wedding band finger so he cannot wear his wedding band for the week while it heals. And how I'm totally fine with that even though I will be having him followed while he is not wearing it. (I'm watching you, Alan!) We are considering tattooing a ring on his ring finger so this won't be an issue in the future. And when I say we, I mean me.

And I am absolutely not going to blog about how at a recent neighborhood party I ended the evening looking like this...

'Cause that would just be embarrassing.

There are too many things in my life that just aren't worth mentioning--like how my bathtub was filled up with water, sand, and dirty Legos for a week before Sage cleaned it OR how I cannot afford any home improvement right now so I just move furniture and pictures around to pretend that I have new stuff OR how I know I will never be thin because my gym is right next to a Mexican restaurant and while I am working out I smell the food and fantasize about Chimichangas OR how I secretly practice talking like Heidi Klum because she sounds so fricking cool Or how I think pumpkins are sexy.

I refuse to blog about these nothings. I only want to blog about somethings. So I am stuck waiting and waiting for those somethings--those interesting somethings--to happen. You will know when they happen becaue then I will blog. But until that time I will just have to remain silent. I'm out!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

The art of killing the mood: Chapter 2

As the rain of Hanna poured outside, Alan and I were snuggled up in the bed starting a little storm of our own. Apparently hurricanes turn Alan on. Actually, so do blizzards, heat waves, partly sunny days, partly cloudy days, isolated showers, and scattered showers. And don't even get me started on areas of high pressure. Weather, all weather turns him on.

As Hanna raged outside (or whimpered really--I've seen thunderstorms worse than you, Hanna!) the mood inside was serene and sexy UNTIL...Knock, knock, knock.

Sage calls, "Mommy, Daddy!"

Alan said, "Yes, Sage. What do you need?"

Sage, "Shepard said God!"

Alan, "Well, please tell him to say Gosh or Goodness."

Sage, "Ok"

Dang, foiled by the Ten Commandments! Didn't see that one coming.

Monday, September 08, 2008

And then there were none

Shepard started his last year of preschool today. He loves school and was ready to go. Last week we went to meet his teacher and he became totally outdone with me because I wouldn't leave. He said, "Just leave me, Mommy." I told him, "Shepard, I can't leave you. We are only here to meet your teacher." Shepard, "Go, Mommy!" Separation anxiety, what's that? Never really experienced that with Shepard. Not only was he born with a tremendous head, but also born with an adventurous spirit and fierce independent streak.

I will never forget when he was almost two years old. I was doing chores around the house one day when the door bell rang. I opened the front door to reveal my neighbor from across the cul-de-sac who was holding Shepard. I was shocked and embarrassed since I had not even realized that Shepard was not in the house.

The morning started with a tantrum. Shepard has very specific ideas about fashion and it goes like this: Whatever Mommy picks out is absolutely unacceptable. He will not wear khaki pants (actually he will wear khaki shorts but not long pants.) T-shirts are his shirt of choice and he refuses to wear any shirt that has buttons. If I say "Shepard, I have a shirt for you to put on." He replies suspiciously, "Does it have buttons?" I also like to use that as a threat. "Shepard, you better start behaving or I will make you wear a shirt with buttons." And then he wails, "Noooooooo, not buttons!"

So back to the tantrum...I made a deal with him that I would choose the first day of school outfit but after that he could pick his outfits. Well, he was not pleased with my choice. He said that everyone would laugh at him.
What is it with kids today? I once wore a shirt to MIDDLE school that had Popeye the Sailor Man on it just because I didn't want to hurt my mom's feelings. It's true, I had to wear my winter coat all day to save myself the embarrassment. And in one careless moment the coat slipped open and this bratty fat kid with braces saw it. And yes, he laughed at me, AND pointed, no less. But I sacrificed a little (ok, a lot) of pride just for my mom. But will my boys do that for me?! Of course not. His shirt was not that bad. At least it wasn't Popeye.
I made him wear the shirt anyway because WE HAD A DEAL! He cried for about 20 minutes--through getting dressed, teeth and hair brushing. He cried all the way down to the breakfast table and he almost broke me. I was about to give in when he suddenly stopped crying and said in a mopey voice, "Ok, I'll wear it." Then he was all smiles for the rest of the morning. And there was peace on Earth.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last

School supplies in hand, Sage climbed on the big yellow cheese today and started 3rd grade. I love Sage so much, I really do. But I think I love him more during the school year than during the summer. You know, too much of a good thing and all. This morning he popped right up when I woke him and gave me no trouble. I expect the meltdown tomorrow when the new 3rd grade smell wears off.

So here is my little man who asked me if he could walk to the bus stop by himself this year. When I said no that one of his parents would be walking with him, he whined, "But it is so embarrassing!!"

Isn't he handsome with his new Clone Wars lunchbox?

When all the kids were kissed and loaded and the bus pulled away the parents let out whoops of delight. Well it was really the moms, the dads just looked clueless. But don't they always?!