Friday, April 10, 2009


Sleeping Beauty (that's me) was awoken this morning not by a gentle kiss but by the sounds of 'I Love Rocky Road.' It was Weird Al Yankovic who woke me from my comfortable slumber. I've always thought Weird Al was funny but I never realized the genius of Al until Sage started to become a huge Weird Al fan. It all started last year when Sage told me one of his favorite rap songs was 'White and Nerdy.' I know a little about rap and was sure he had mixed the title up with a Chamillionaire song called 'Ridin' where he declares that he's "ridin' dirty." So I googled it to see why he came up with his alternate title and found the Weird Al version. And there it was--comedic genius. I remember him from the '80s but didn't realize that he was still going strong. Sage enjoys watching his videos on You Tube. I have to say I always laugh when he screams "HO!!!" at a garden hoe in the 'Fat' video. This guy definitely does not get enough credit.

There are some good ones on You Tube--classics like 'Fat' and 'Eat it' and some more recent ones like 'Amish Paradise', 'Smells like Nirvana', and 'Pretty Fly for a Rabbi.' But my all time favorite is 'White and Nerdy.'

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Better batter therapy

Whoa, who was that raving maniac posting yesterday?! OK, there are many sides to me and one of them is an angry, violent wildcat. Whatev, they are my inner demons and I own them! Plus I look really cute when I rave. ;)

I'm feeling a bit better today due to time and the great support and advice I received from my blogging buds. It seems that batting practice is a wonderful way to blow off steam. I tried it. Well, I wasn't able to get to the batting cage but I pulled out Shepard's Fischer Price Better Batter Baseball. I took a few swings with the Spiderman bat and it was helpful. I guess the neighborhood kids were wondering why the Better Batter baseballs were taking me for granted , why they hear but never listen, and why they had to "Take that, you fucker!!" Much better than Enya.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Like a chainsaw

I am not in a good place today. Life has been dog piling on me lately and I am feeling overwhelmed--not sad so much as angry. I've got a raging hot, nasty knot of anger just sitting in my gut and no way to get rid of it. I mean I am wife, mother, nurse and community member--it's not like I can go around raging and breaking shit. Although that would feel really good, it's just not practical.

That's my problem, I too freaking practical and worried about others. All of the roles I have in my life are pretty thankless jobs. I don't get a whole lot of validation from being a mom. Not their fault, they're kids and the world revolves around them, you know. And since I am married to a man, same story. Maybe if I had a wife it would be different. At then there's my job where people won't say boo to a doctor but will lay it all on a nurse. So, I handle a lot of problems and I am tired--and angry. No one tries to understand me but they damn sure don't want to walk in my shoes. No man is an island, but I am not a man. There's no safety net in my world and that pisses me off!!

I've been listening to a lot of Enya and Jim Brickman to try and calm myself and get all centered but that's just made me want blast a cap in something--not a living thing, maybe a fluffy pillow or a fuzzy stuffed bunny. Why can't there be a room where I could just go all rock star? You know, throw bottles at the wall, chairs out of the window, shoot a TV--cool stuff like that. I'll just have to settle for some rage music and a heavy dose of fantasy. Here's the angriest song I know--it started a riot at Woodstock. Killer!

Just one of those days, ya'll.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

F-F-F Foolin'

I want to thank all of you who watched my kid's kick ass talent show video. He has over 100 hits on You Tube and though that is just a blip in the big scheme of things, it is really exciting to an 8 year old. So thanks. And if you haven't watched it, then do it you heartless bastard!! (See last Wednesday's post)

Today is my HALF Birthday so you may send me half the love you normally would on my actual birthday. And wine, send wine.
The best April Fools prank I ever pulled was when I was in college. I called my older sister and told her I was in jail. I had the fake crying and everything (I was actually laughing so much it sounded like I was crying.) I never thought she would buy it because it was April Fools Day and I was not a rowdy youth. I mean seriously, I was such a good girl--never caused trouble. But she believed me and it was great. So the next year I called her up and told her I was in jail again. I thought she would laugh and say "Oh, ha ha. Yeah, I remember last year." But for some reason, she believed me again. I think that's the first time I knew my sister had some serious mental issues.

I love to prank people but I am not very creative. My idea of a good time is to hide and then jump out and scare them. That has always been fun to me. Especially when I get Alan--maybe that's why he is so jumpy. And there was one time I got Sage so good that I made him cry. I did feel bad about that especially because I peed my pants while I was laughing so hard.

The best scare I've ever done was totally an accident. It was the first year Alan and I were married and I was trying to be creative in my use of all the lingerie I had received for my wedding. One evening I put on a sexy black lacy number and closed myself in the coat closet of our apartment. My idea was that Alan would come home, open the coat closet and be pleasantly surprised when he found me all sexified. However, here's what actually happened. He came in the door, opened the coat closet door, saw me and simultaneously screamed and fell back against the wall behind him. He then slid down the wall and landed on the floor in shock. I had throw the coats aside and scramble out to check his breathing and pulse. He was kind of traumatized and there was no lovin' that night. I learned a good lesson that day. Mortal terror isn't sexy. Oops, my bad.