Tuesday, March 31, 2009

J.Hi, this is your life

I walked upstairs to find this note taped to the wall. God, did you leave this note?*

*It reads "Warning you in the fire zone so be carful if you want to live."

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Duel of the Fates

Sage was in the school talent show last week. It's elementary school so if you audition and you are appropriate, you're in. Needless to say, there were a lot of girl groups dancing and cheering. He decided to show off his mad light sabre skillz to music. He is simulating a battle to the music "Duel of the Fates" from Episode I. According to the show director, Sage's act was very unique. As a proud mother, I would have to say he was totally AWESOME!!! I think he enjoyed his moment in the spotlight. He said afterwards that he got a lot of hugs from girls--one girl hugged him twice. Ha! Here's my baby. I sense that fame is his destiny.

Monday, March 23, 2009

The beast that ate my cookie

Alan and I have had a run of bad luck recently which resulted in a financial crunch. It was the tree removal, 2 large car repair bills, and our heat pump conked out during the snowstorm. Ch-ching, ch-ching, and yes, more ch-ching right out of our pocket. We were scraping the bottom of the barrel. We even resorted to stealing $18 from our 8 year old son's wallet so we could go out to lunch together. Alan worried that he might discover that his money was gone but I didn't think he would notice. And if he did notice I was going to show him my C-section scar and say, "Yeah, paid in full, boy!" (Ok, so Sage did notice. He came to me early one morning weeping while he held open his empty wallet. I told him that we had "borrowed" the money. We paid him back with an extra $2 for hush money. Later I learned that the little swindler showed my dad his empty wallet and got an extra $25. Damn, why didn't I think of that?)

During this run of bad luck I decided to drown my sorrows--not with alcohol. Alcohol is for parties but food is best for numbing the inner pain. And, lucky for me, it just so happens that it was Girl Scout cookie time. I always buy my three favorites--Tagalongs, Thin Mints and Samoas. I broke open the Tagalongs first and savored one before leaving for work one evening. Mmmmm, nutty creamy goodness (that's what she said!)

So I returned late that night after a hard shift to find an empty Tagalong box on the counter. Seems that Alan and his XY gang had eaten the whole box. I totally went all Chris Brown on him. I chased him around and beat him with the empty cookie box. If anyone deserves domestic cookie box violence it would be a man who ate my Tagalongs, don't you think? How am I supposed to fill the void inside of me now? Well, ok, there are the Thin Mints and Samoas but he still deserved it. He will think twice next time he wants to eat my Tagalong.

Here's the happy ending. The bad luck seems to be over for now. It's funny how pay day mixed with some sunshine can alter your perspective. This past week was a very busy week for me--Sage was in the school talent show, I had a reunion with some good college friends, and I gave a baby shower for a friend at work. Though it was stressful that these events all hit in the same week, they were all very happy occasions. I was able to switch from food to alcohol--as you can tell from picture.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Tree trauma

We had a snowstorm Sunday evening and during that storm we heard a loud scratching noise on the house. When we ran to the window to look out we saw one of the limbs of our front yard tree had cracked and fallen toward the house. Then a few hours later we were stunned by another loud CRACK! Another huge limb down toward the minivan--horrors. The tree people came the next day and had to take the whole tree, it could not be saved. Fortunately, there was no damage done unless you count the damage to Sage's sensitive little heart. I found him in his room with tears streaming down his face while he watched the dismantling of the tree.

We called this tree 'Sage's climbing tree.' He has spent many hours up in the branches over the past 6 months. He had even pimped it out with boards to climb up and to sit on, old screens for privacy, ropes for additional climbing assistance, boxes for his treasures, and even nailed a sign on it listing the members of his tree club. It was quite a sight--kind of Blair Witchy. It was his own special place until recently we got a threatening letter from our evil neighborhood association claiming it was "unsightly." We had to take down his tree house and Sage was very upset. But now he is devastated. We are trying to comfort him and help him deal with his grief. We had the tree men cut a section of the tree so we could make a remembrance plaque to hang in his room. I know he was emotionally attached to the tree but I just hope he doesn't turn into one of these people in this video, because these people are just asking to be smacked repeatedly.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Closet case

I am writing this from inside my closet--lights off and typing softly. I have to be careful not to make a sound for they may find me. I can hear them out there. Faint bumps, rustling, louder thuds, and sometimes murmuring or yelling. I know they are out there ransacking the house and there is nothing I can do about it. I am helpless inside my own house, a hostage. Alan is back at work. I am alone. Alone with the knowledge that at any second I could be discovered and ripped from my sanctuary. I can only imagine what kind of demands they would make, what kind of hell I would be put through. The thought sends waves of terror through me and my blood runs cold.
Oh no!! I think they heard my sob of despair. They are outside my closet door, trying to get in. All I can do is clasp my hands tightly and pray. Pray for my life.

Dear God,
Only you can help me!
Please send your sunshine down upon me
so the snow will melt
and the kids will go back to school.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Wine festival brush with fame

Alan and I went to a wine expo yesterday with our neighbors. Over 300 wines from about 40 wineries from our state. The wines were excellent. But imagine my surprise when I had a brush with celebrity. Here's a picture...

Can you tell who it is? I know it's his back but just imagine him in a purple suit, fur coat and a big hat with a feather. It is none other than Venus Flytrap himself!! He's otherwise known (or is he?) as Tim Reid. Now you see it, don't you?

Whenever I see a celebrity I usually do not go up and talk to them. They are strangers after all. I just gawk. I don't even have the balls to take a full frontal picture. I could never be a paparazzi. Alan and I did try and take a stealthy photo of him. It pretty much sucks too but I did get a profile. You see over Alan's shoulder behind the purple woman. There's Venus!!

Here's a couple of shots of some very bad fashion choices that I noticed during the fest.

<--------Ladies, stay away from short dresses with boots.

Fancy dress with bright white tennis shoes, interesting----->

Alan and I used to go wine tasting all the time before kids. We have a booming wine business in my state. I remember when Alan would map out wine trips for us to take, "In this campaign, we'll hit at least 5 wineries," he'd say. It was quite a good time. I had to restrain myself yesterday and limit my tastings since Alan was the designated drinker and I was the designated driver. But I still left with a smile on my face.