Saturday, September 17, 2005
Friday, September 16, 2005
Spinnin' and winnin'
I had just returned from my doctor's appointment where I learned the diagnosis for two days worth of extreme dizziness. My doctor said, "Classic case of vertigo caused by an inner ear virus." I was just relieved that it wasn't a brain tumor or extended spins from my bender the previous Saturday.
Alan had taken the morning off of work so I could go to my appointment baby-free. So I am lying on the bed explaining my diagnosis to Alan when he announces "This is the perfect time for a nooner! I mean, you are lying down anyway, right?" I couldn't really argue with that logic so I agreed. So after we gated Shepard in his room and gave him a cookie to stop the screaming, we did it. And it was great!! He made my head swim or maybe that was just the vertigo. But right after the "ooooo" and just before the "ahhhhh, yeah" I had a revelation. Nooners are the answer!!
I hate having sex in the morning, evenings are too busy, and at night I just want to watch TV or read. So this is answer to our question--where does sex fit in? Nooner! I won't be too tired, Alan will get it on a regular basis with lunch thrown in too, and I can still watch Lost without being groped! Oh, happy day! I'd say it's a win-win for all parties.
Alan had taken the morning off of work so I could go to my appointment baby-free. So I am lying on the bed explaining my diagnosis to Alan when he announces "This is the perfect time for a nooner! I mean, you are lying down anyway, right?" I couldn't really argue with that logic so I agreed. So after we gated Shepard in his room and gave him a cookie to stop the screaming, we did it. And it was great!! He made my head swim or maybe that was just the vertigo. But right after the "ooooo" and just before the "ahhhhh, yeah" I had a revelation. Nooners are the answer!!
I hate having sex in the morning, evenings are too busy, and at night I just want to watch TV or read. So this is answer to our question--where does sex fit in? Nooner! I won't be too tired, Alan will get it on a regular basis with lunch thrown in too, and I can still watch Lost without being groped! Oh, happy day! I'd say it's a win-win for all parties.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Rock Star Mommy
I am feeling nostalgic this week after sending my first born off to kindergarten one week ago. So here is something I wrote when Sage was 2 years old...
I want to be a rock star. I want to behave badly and have people say, “Oh, well, you know how it is—she is a rock star. That is just the way they are.” I want to cuss, destroy furniture, throw liquor bottles at the wall, punch mirrors, and (the coolest) shoot a TV screen out--not my big TV, maybe an old one, the kind with a knob and antennae. I want blue and orange M&Ms provided for me at all times. I want to check myself into rehab just to get some sleep. I want to go through the McDonald drive-thru in a limo. I want to get on stage in front of ten thousand people and rage and complain about all my problems and everything that pisses me off—and then have them applaud, light their lighters, and scream “Wooo, yeeeeaaah, go girl!”
I would be very popular, but also very controversial. I would say all the things other parents would only dream of saying. Women would love me because I speak about issues to which they relate. Men would love me for kick-ass music and loud gritty vocals. I would tell about the challenges and frustrations I face as a Home Administrator (this used to be called a House wife many tens of years ago.) I need an outlet for my domestic angst. Here are the songs on my debut album …
1. Don’t! Stop! NO! (The only words I seem to say now that I own a toddler)
2. Do you want a smack? (Oh yeah, I say that too.)
3. He dumped the laundry basket after I folded the whole load
4. Dropping your spoon pisses me off (and you know it)
5. I said come here and he ran the other way
6. Meltdown in the car (a mother’s hell)
7. Why does the pink toilet mold grow so fast?
8. The delivery that was supposed to come between 12 and 4 and did not come until 4:02
9. Listening to a running toilet for relaxation
10. Hey Cat, can you only yak on the carpet? Why not the hardwood floor?
11. Why can’t we have Spaghetti every night? (That’s easy to make.)
12. Pee in the potty (Ballad to Sage and Alan)
13. Time out does not work, let’s just beat him (Just kidding, CPS)
I think that is a good start. The longer I am a Home administrator, the more material I amass. It is amazing to me how such a little being can cause so much frustration. One minute he is so sweet, the next minute he is running through the house screaming, chasing the cat, ripping his clothes off, and throwing them down the stairs. I say No, he says Yes. I say let’s go out, he says lets stay in. Ok, now let me tell you about Sage… If he does not like his food, he throws it across the room. He cries because he cannot have Spaghetti-Os for breakfast and Fruit Loops for dinner. He drives me to the brink of madness. Like Linkin’ Park says “Everything you say to me, takes me one step closer to the edge, and I’m about to break.” And just when I cannot take anymore, when I am about to run screaming from the house and throw myself in traffic, he says that one little thing, “You know what, Mama, I love you.” And then rock star mommy falls at his feet and kisses each one of his precious toes.
I want to be a rock star. I want to behave badly and have people say, “Oh, well, you know how it is—she is a rock star. That is just the way they are.” I want to cuss, destroy furniture, throw liquor bottles at the wall, punch mirrors, and (the coolest) shoot a TV screen out--not my big TV, maybe an old one, the kind with a knob and antennae. I want blue and orange M&Ms provided for me at all times. I want to check myself into rehab just to get some sleep. I want to go through the McDonald drive-thru in a limo. I want to get on stage in front of ten thousand people and rage and complain about all my problems and everything that pisses me off—and then have them applaud, light their lighters, and scream “Wooo, yeeeeaaah, go girl!”
I would be very popular, but also very controversial. I would say all the things other parents would only dream of saying. Women would love me because I speak about issues to which they relate. Men would love me for kick-ass music and loud gritty vocals. I would tell about the challenges and frustrations I face as a Home Administrator (this used to be called a House wife many tens of years ago.) I need an outlet for my domestic angst. Here are the songs on my debut album …
1. Don’t! Stop! NO! (The only words I seem to say now that I own a toddler)
2. Do you want a smack? (Oh yeah, I say that too.)
3. He dumped the laundry basket after I folded the whole load
4. Dropping your spoon pisses me off (and you know it)
5. I said come here and he ran the other way
6. Meltdown in the car (a mother’s hell)
7. Why does the pink toilet mold grow so fast?
8. The delivery that was supposed to come between 12 and 4 and did not come until 4:02
9. Listening to a running toilet for relaxation
10. Hey Cat, can you only yak on the carpet? Why not the hardwood floor?
11. Why can’t we have Spaghetti every night? (That’s easy to make.)
12. Pee in the potty (Ballad to Sage and Alan)
13. Time out does not work, let’s just beat him (Just kidding, CPS)
I think that is a good start. The longer I am a Home administrator, the more material I amass. It is amazing to me how such a little being can cause so much frustration. One minute he is so sweet, the next minute he is running through the house screaming, chasing the cat, ripping his clothes off, and throwing them down the stairs. I say No, he says Yes. I say let’s go out, he says lets stay in. Ok, now let me tell you about Sage… If he does not like his food, he throws it across the room. He cries because he cannot have Spaghetti-Os for breakfast and Fruit Loops for dinner. He drives me to the brink of madness. Like Linkin’ Park says “Everything you say to me, takes me one step closer to the edge, and I’m about to break.” And just when I cannot take anymore, when I am about to run screaming from the house and throw myself in traffic, he says that one little thing, “You know what, Mama, I love you.” And then rock star mommy falls at his feet and kisses each one of his precious toes.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
A Tale of a Fateful Trip *
Alan, Sage, Shepard and I took our first vacation as a family back in August. We went to the beach for 5 days. It was an eye opening experience and these are the things we learned...
1. It is possible to over pack a station wagon
2. Realizing that becoming your parents is inevitable when we used the phrase "Do you want me to pull this car over!!"
3. A pool view room does not necessarily mean a view of the pool that you are allowed to swim in
4. Chicken nuggets are considered seafood to those 5 years and younger
5. Babies will eat sand but not their veggies
6. Peeing can be educational--demonstrated by Sage when he came up to me and said excitedly, "Mommy! When yellow pee goes into blue toilet water, it makes green!"
7. Swim diapers are not unisex--Shepard was the victim of this lesson since he had to wear pink Little Mermaid swim diapers and endure his brother taunting him with "Girl diaper! Girl diaper!"
8. No matter how hard you try, you will never catch that seagull (Shepard's lesson learned)
9. Finding out that your husband is into watersports--when he asks you to pee on his jellyfish sting
10. It is a very bad idea to say to your spouse "Look, this is my vacation." (Alan was the one who learned that lesson.)
11. Children who sleep until 8:30 a.m. at home will rise at 6:00 a.m. on vacation
12. Sex on the top of a toilet seat is not worth it---ever!
13. Parents really cannot have sex on a family vacation
14. The crack of your ass can store sand for 7 to 10 days after you vacation ends
15. Family vacations are not relaxing, but very memorable
* R.I.P. Gilligan
1. It is possible to over pack a station wagon
2. Realizing that becoming your parents is inevitable when we used the phrase "Do you want me to pull this car over!!"
3. A pool view room does not necessarily mean a view of the pool that you are allowed to swim in
4. Chicken nuggets are considered seafood to those 5 years and younger
5. Babies will eat sand but not their veggies
6. Peeing can be educational--demonstrated by Sage when he came up to me and said excitedly, "Mommy! When yellow pee goes into blue toilet water, it makes green!"
7. Swim diapers are not unisex--Shepard was the victim of this lesson since he had to wear pink Little Mermaid swim diapers and endure his brother taunting him with "Girl diaper! Girl diaper!"
8. No matter how hard you try, you will never catch that seagull (Shepard's lesson learned)
9. Finding out that your husband is into watersports--when he asks you to pee on his jellyfish sting
10. It is a very bad idea to say to your spouse "Look, this is my vacation." (Alan was the one who learned that lesson.)
11. Children who sleep until 8:30 a.m. at home will rise at 6:00 a.m. on vacation
12. Sex on the top of a toilet seat is not worth it---ever!
13. Parents really cannot have sex on a family vacation
14. The crack of your ass can store sand for 7 to 10 days after you vacation ends
15. Family vacations are not relaxing, but very memorable
* R.I.P. Gilligan
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
The state of being away...What is absence?
Forgive me, bloggers for I have sinned. It has been 3 weeks since my last post.
I have been neglecting my blog as of late. It is not for lack of material to write about--oh no! I have plenty to say. It is just that the past three weeks have been chocked full of activity and emotional ups and downs that I just don't know where to start. We took our first real family vacation, we prepared for and sent our first born to kindergarten and we enjoyed the last days of summer vacation. Now that Sage is in school I should have more time to blog. Here are two quick Sage and Shepard stories just to hold you...
Sage told me one day, "Mommy, sometimes I pee so hard that my butt pops." He even tried to demonstrate it for me, but his butt would not perform. :)
Shepard's new thing is emptying containers. He sees a bin or a box he turns it right over. One morning he got his hands on the open Cocoa Puffs cereal box. He turned it over emptying all the contents on the floor. Sage laughed and said, "Look, Shepard is eating the cereal off of the floor. Isn't that funny?!" As I gazed at the mess, I said, "No, it isn't funny." Sage said, "Aaaaawww, where is your sense of humor?" Sometimes I wonder that myself.
I have been neglecting my blog as of late. It is not for lack of material to write about--oh no! I have plenty to say. It is just that the past three weeks have been chocked full of activity and emotional ups and downs that I just don't know where to start. We took our first real family vacation, we prepared for and sent our first born to kindergarten and we enjoyed the last days of summer vacation. Now that Sage is in school I should have more time to blog. Here are two quick Sage and Shepard stories just to hold you...
Sage told me one day, "Mommy, sometimes I pee so hard that my butt pops." He even tried to demonstrate it for me, but his butt would not perform. :)
Shepard's new thing is emptying containers. He sees a bin or a box he turns it right over. One morning he got his hands on the open Cocoa Puffs cereal box. He turned it over emptying all the contents on the floor. Sage laughed and said, "Look, Shepard is eating the cereal off of the floor. Isn't that funny?!" As I gazed at the mess, I said, "No, it isn't funny." Sage said, "Aaaaawww, where is your sense of humor?" Sometimes I wonder that myself.
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