I am not in a good place today. Life has been dog piling on me lately and I am feeling overwhelmed--not sad so much as angry. I've got a raging hot, nasty knot of anger just sitting in my gut and no way to get rid of it. I mean I am wife, mother, nurse and community member--it's not like I can go around raging and breaking shit. Although that would feel really good, it's just not practical.
That's my problem, I too freaking practical and worried about others. All of the roles I have in my life are pretty thankless jobs. I don't get a whole lot of validation from being a mom. Not their fault, they're kids and the world revolves around them, you know. And since I am married to a man, same story. Maybe if I had a wife it would be different. At then there's my job where people won't say boo to a doctor but will lay it all on a nurse. So, I handle a lot of problems and I am tired--and angry. No one tries to understand me but they damn sure don't want to walk in my shoes. No man is an island, but I am not a man. There's no safety net in my world and that pisses me off!!
I've been listening to a lot of Enya and Jim Brickman to try and calm myself and get all centered but that's just made me want blast a cap in something--not a living thing, maybe a fluffy pillow or a fuzzy stuffed bunny. Why can't there be a room where I could just go all rock star? You know, throw bottles at the wall, chairs out of the window, shoot a TV--cool stuff like that. I'll just have to settle for some rage music and a heavy dose of fantasy. Here's the angriest song I know--it started a riot at Woodstock. Killer!
Just one of those days, ya'll.