Friday, January 30, 2009

Listing brain

I have been doing lots of lists for Facebook lately so I decided that my Friday post will be in list form with no apparent rhyme or reason. I'm just going to tip my brain to the side and see what comes out.

1. I'm in desparate need of a new bra but I hate to bra shop. How do I know I need a new bra? My boobs keep spilling out of the sides! It probably looks like I have three to four boobs in there. I don't know what went wrong with this bra. It started out so well. I like Victoria Secret bras. But since they are so damn expensive you would think they would keep these sisters in check for at least a year. Don't you think that's reasonable? I suppose in this economic climate I should give other bras a try. I don't care about the name brand, I just need a bra that's going to hold these chesticles up and out there, right in your face.
2. I haven't been in a mall since a few days after Christmas. I have no desire to do so and that is why #1 is such a problem.

3. A Shepard funny--One morning Shepard crawled in bed with me and I told him, "Why don't you go kiss your brother awake." He said, "I can't! His breath smells like HORRID!"

4. I have been loading up my iTunes with all my CDs. I haven't listened to some of these CDs in years and now I can. Today I was listening to my iPod and came across a song I haven't heard in forever. It was an En Vogue song called "My Lovin' (You're never gonna get it.) The song made me think of college and my roommate during my 5th year (yeah, I was on the 5 year plan or so I told my parents.) Ok, stick with me here. Do you remember when it was cool to make funny and creative messages for your answering machine? Well, it must have been during my 5th year of college since my roomie and I did a message to that En Vogue song. It was the part when they break it down and sing "Never gonna get it, never gonna get it, never gonna get, never gonna get it, never gonna get it"...yeah, you get the picture. Except in our message sang, "Never gonna get us, never gonna get us, never gonna get...etc." and I did the "Whoa whoa whoa whoa" part. I just remember doing it over and over to get it just right and laughing and laughing the whole time. That's why I have a hard time getting rid of my old music because those songs evoke great memories.

5. Whew, that was a long one. Here's a short one--How come every time you come around my London, London Bridge wanna go down?

6. Alan gained a little weight around the holidays and has been very sensitive about it. You might think I would be more sensitive about his sensitivities but I am not going to coddle him. Coddling causes weakness. I think he looks as hot as ever so in an effort to snap him out of it, I have been going out of my way to tease him. I've been pulling from my 'Yo Momma's so fat' repertoire. Like this--Alan's so fat he has his own area code. Alan's so fat that his belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters. Alan's so fat when he steps on the scale it says 'To be continued.' Ha! Reverse psychology works, right? And it's more amusing. If you think of anymore fat insults, please send them along. It's for a good cause--Alan's self esteem.

7. The best thing happened last night. Alan leaned over to tuck Shepard into bed and broke the bed. Yes, it was perfect fodder for my 'Build Alan's self esteem' plan. Well, I will admit that the boys' bunk bed is a cheap ass piece of crap but the timing couldn't be more perfect. Now I have a new one--Alan's so fat, when he laid his lips on his son's head to kiss him goodnight, the mattress broke through the bed frame. Classic!

8. I have a girl crush on Padma Lakshmi from Top Chef.

9. I love the way Shepard blames Sage for everything. If we can't find something, Sage took it. If something breaks, Sage broke it. If he trips, Sage made him do it. If a cat pees on the laundry, Sage did it. Now we're all doing it. Whatever goes wrong, we just say, "Sage did it." It's a good thing George W was around to take the blame or Shepard might have blamed Sage for Hurricane Katrina, global warming, the tsunami, and the housing bubble bursting.

10. Speaking of Sage, he refuses to get a haircut. Since it's winter, I have been indulging him and now his hair is quite big. For a joke at Christmas, we bought him a pack of Afro picks. He loves them and sometimes will stick one in his hair and leave it there, like Freddie Washington in 'Welcome Back, Kotter.'
Mr. Kah-TARE!


Dr Zibbs said...

I love my Ipod. I've been meaning to post about this but I've gotten at least 6-7000 songs from the library.


Kathleen said...

I remember that phone message!! :)

C said...

you hadnt posted in awhile. i am glad youre back, i missed your fun humor.


Anonymous said...

My room mate and I in college changed the answering machine to say, "Knot and I have quit [college] and are joining the American Truck Driving School. We just can't stay away from those ladies of the road."

We weren't room mates long.


C said...

heeeey toots. got some lovin for ya over on my blog. come and get it!


Melissa said...

[crying laughing] alan broke the bed! ahahahahahahahaha