Everyday for a month you have woken up and asked me, "Is today my birthday?" I can finally say, "Yes, Shepard. Today is your birthday." And now you have a new question that I will have to answer for the next month, "Am I still 4?"
On May 6th, 2004, Alan and I watched the 'Friends' finale while eating Thai food and then went to bed. I woke at 1 am in heavy labor. At 4 am, Alan asked, "Is there anything I can do for you?" and I responded, "No, I wouldn't want to interrupt your SLEEP!" And then Alan got up. At 5 am, my Dad came and got Sage and at 7 am, we called my midwife. We were at the hospital by 9 and I was 7 cm dilated when I arrived. The pushing started around 12 and after an hour the doctor suggested, "If I just cut you a little..." I said most emphatically, "Just do it!!!" And then at a little after 1 pm on May 7th, Shepard arrived. I am reminded of that moment every time I try to put a shirt on that big melon head of his.
There are so many things I love about Shepard. He is such a cool kid that in moments of weakness (like this morning) I feel like I want more kids if only they could be like him. I love his giggle. I love when he does his goofy voice. I love how he dresses himself without being asked. I love how when Sage is trying to mess with him, he does the 'Shepard smack'-- his little arms starts flying around like a windmill and Sage flees in terror. I love how anytime that isn't now or tomorrow is "last year." I love how he gets such joy from burping or saying the word 'penis.' I love how when he thinks something is cool he says, "That's sweeeeeet!" I love how he wants dessert after breakfast. I love how the moment I finish reading him a book he says, "Read it again!"I love how he cries when he has to come in from playing outside.
I love how he tells me I look pretty even when no one else notices. I love how he can take my breath away like the time we were snuggling and he looked up at me and said, "Mommy, I so love you." I love his beautiful eyes. And most of all I love his smile because when he smiles I see his Dad and I remember the love that got him here.