Tuesday, April 01, 2008

I pity the April Fool!!

I was thinking about my most embarrassing moments today and I realized that all of them have been brought about by my sons. I think it is so funny how people (most who don't have kids) will judge your ability as a parent by how your kids act. You can drill manners and good behaviour into their little pea brains 24/7 but they are still going to act how they want to act. I have always said that having kids is like having Tourette's syndrome. My kids are like an extension of my own body but I have no control over what they do or what they scream out. It's very disconcerting.

Only two incidents come to mind with Shepard. When he was potty training he had a habit of wanting to visit every bathroom in every place we went to, even if he didn't have to go. So one night we were at a restaurant, about to order and Shepard tells me " I have to go potty, Mommy." I told him "Shepard, I will take you as soon as we order our food." So he stands up in the booth, grabs his crotch and starts repeatedly yelling, "OOOOOooooooooo, MY PENIS, MY PENIS!" He did manage to win himself a quick trip to the bathroom.

We were at the pharmacy counter waiting on the pharmacy tech to get our medicine. The man had a Mohawk hairdo, long sideburns, a beard that framed his chin, and an earring or two. Shepard looks up at him and says to me (loud enough for him and the lady behind me to hear), "Mama, he's crazy?" I was stunned for a moment but the guy was standing right in front of me so all I could do is say, "No, honey, he's not crazy." Fortunately, the tech had a very good sense of humor about it and even made a little face and booga-boogad Shepard as we were leaving. Whew!

Now Sage is older and has had over seven years to embarrass his mommy. He started as early as 14 months. He was happily sitting in the cart as I was paying for my purchase at Target. As I finished paying I turned toward the cart to go and found him chewing on a tampon he had pulled from my purse.

Probably the most infamous embarrassment for me was last spring when I was shopping for some pants. First a little background. I am not fond of underwear. It's just never fit me right and goes straight up my butt causing constant pickage. So, a few years back I gave it up and now I am a commando chick, except when I go to work or am shopping for new clothes.

In this instant I was trying to find a pair of pants and had to bring Sage with me in the filled to capacity dressing room. I gave him some books, put him in the corner of my area and started to try on pants. All of a sudden Sage pipes up and exclaims, in an incredulous voice, "Mommy, your wearing underwear?!!" "Yes, Sage" I said in my whisper through my teeth voice which is meant to convey that I want him to be quiet. Yet he proceeds, "I didn't know you HAD any!" My cheeks were burning even though the other shoppers couldn't see me. I quickly made my exit with my head down.

So stay tuned, they are still young, I am sure there will be many more to come.


Big Al said...

Sage got me good when I was in Kohl's one day. I think he was about 2-3. He stood up in the cart and began screaming, "What the HELL is that!" Repeatedly. I don't remember exactly what I did, but looking back on it I should have yelled, "Who's kid is this?!?" I blame your father for that colorful outburst. ;-)

Edge said...

I read the one about your kid's penis to my wife. She laughed.

Good times good times!


DebbieDoesLife said...


My boys have embarassed me many times! I loved your stories though! Nice to know I am not the only one----no, I wear underwear, I meant about the kids saying embarassing things -- Ha!

Melissa said...

you forgot the embarrassing stories about your biggest child, alan!

S E E Quine said...

` Whaaa haaa haaa! Didn't the tampon give him some major dry mouth?
` Hey, that reminds me of this America's Funniest Home Video (OMG, I'm remembering that far back?) and there was this group of kids putting 'airplane stickers' on the front window as guests began to arrive at their house.
` Ehh... you can take a guess as to what 'airplane stickers' might be... they have wings, you see!