Why did God make me so undertall? If I were taller then my weight would be fine. But I am a short, and I must suffer. Who said losing weight would make you feel better? I feel like shit--I have a constant headache from caffeine deprivation, my stomach is rumbling one hour after I eat, and I am peeing constanly from all this fucking water!!
Why does everything healthy taste like complete crap. I have to choke down my lovely salad with fat-free dressing and my chicken breast with no condiments. Dammit!! And why do all fat-free dressings taste like I am drinking the blood of a three-toed sloth?!
And my family doesn't help either. The kids are driving me crazy with their constant whining--"Mommy, we want breakfast. We want lunch. Are you going to feed us, Mommy?" Why can't they just give it a rest?! And naturally Alan has to piss me off too saying things like, "Honey, I know it's hard, but you'll get through it. You can do it." Instead of being so damn supportive, what would really help me is if he would get his bitch ass in the kitchen and make me a very large fricking cheeseburger. OK?! Do you understand? I am suffering here.
In fact all of you out there eating whatever you want, with your chewing and swallowing, you can all kiss my ass. And do not let me see any skinny ass size 2 bitches today or I will sit on them and break them straight in two. What have I done to deserve this, God?!
Diet day one complete.