Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The South Park Diet

Well, I got the letter last week. My 20th high school reunion is coming up at the end of June. So that means I only have about 3 months to lose weight. I need to lose 30 pounds but I will settle for 20. My friend said "Oh, don't worry, everyone will be in the same boat as you. Most of them will look just like you." I told her that I want to look better than they do. I want them to think I am more fabulous than I used to be.

I have a great life and I want my body to reflect that too. I know it's unfair but people do judge you on how you look. Even though I have a great husband, wonderful kids, a supportive family, a house and neighborhood I love, and a job I love, I know people will still look at me and think, 'Too bad she's so fat and looks horrible in her clothes and even worse in pictures.'

So now that all of the Girl Scout cookies are gone and I have had my farewell meal at McDonalds, it is time to get started. I really don't care how I lose it, I just want the weight gone. I have considered many diet options--herion, smoking, anorexia, bulimia--anything as long as I don't have to exercise. There are some people that are born loving exercise and I am not one of them.

Well, after careful consideration I have decided on The South Park Diet. Everytime I want to eat something I shouldn't I will think to myself, as they say on South Park, "G#@ DAMN, THAT'S A BIG FAT ASS!!" Hopefully that will motivate me to shut the pie hole! I have also decided that if I don't lose at least 20 pounds by the deadline, that I will post a bathing suit picture on this blog. A healthier me just doesn't cut it, I need the threat of public humiliation to get me going. I will let you know how it goes. And for your sake and mine, let's hope I lose that 20!


Big Al said...

Oh, Jeez, you SURE you want to go through with the potential for public humiliation? Have we ever taken a picture of you in your bathing suit?

Obligatory South Park sound byte:
Big fat ass

Melissa said...

i say go with all of the diet plans! add some speed in there too. good times!

fort knocks said...

haha, awesome ideas.

Also, I'd recommend speed.

Anonymous said...

Cheesy Poofs!Ya, I want some Cheesy Poofs! And get your b!t@h a$$ back in the kitchen and make me some pie!

Loves me some South Park.

I have my 20th coming up soon too. I have more time, ours is in September. I guess I need to do something starting in like June. I could lose 20 myself. I hate losing weight though. I lose it in my face and I look like a turtle.


DebbieDoesLife said...

Get your ass out and start walking. Make it your "alone time" and listen to music. It will jumpstart the diet and plus, if you work out then it does make you think twice about sticking that pop-tart in your mouth.

J. Hi said...

I like the idea of alone time, but my ass does so like to just sit on the couch and watch 'Designed to Sell.'

Speed is sounding better and better to me. Mmmmmm, yummy, speed.

S E E Quine said...

` Yeah! Speed! Actually, you know what's great is going to the gym 1/2 hour every day!
` I didn't technically lose weight, but I turned my 20 lbs of fat into 20 lbs of muscle and now all my pants fit again and my ass is so hard you can chop wood on it! (I don't recommend it, though.)