Tuesday, December 02, 2008

The cure for hiccups

I have discovered it! But more on that later.

At the beginning of our four days off I was full of hope and fancy ideas. I imagined quality time with our happy children and a peaceful Thanksgiving with our loving family. Why do I have these silly ideas? Am I high? It started well enough. Wednesday evening Alan and I took the kids to a movie and then spent the rest of the evening cuddling and watching TV in front of the fire. We were in such a good mood we even ended the evening with some boot knockin' and drifted off to sleep with smiles on our faces.

But I awoke at 1:30 am with severe nausea. At first I thought it might have been the popcorn. I have this disorder that causes me to continue eating popcorn until I make myself sick. However, along with the nausea, I also had chills and a headache and surmised that I was suffering from a virus. I was on the border of Vomitland but I fought it. I did not want to revisit that movie popcorn or my taco dinner. I did manage to make it through the night without losing it and was finally able to keep down a nausea pill and a sip of water. The nausea pill had the lovely side effect of making me sleep the whole day. So Alan was left to straighten the house and make the turkey for Thanksgiving.

I woke up about an hour before dinner. Alan was frantic since the turkey had gone into the oven an hour later than he planned and the cleaning had not been completed. I was a bit miffed and left to wonder what he had been doing for the past 8 hours. I also was perplexed as to why our children (or as I call them 'the help') were outside playing when there was work to be done. Do you think I went through 18 months of pregnancy, a C-section and a natural birth so they could have fun when my house needs cleaning?! And Geez Alan, if you can't multitask because you are retarded than at least use your resources! That left weak me to vacuum and dust. So the kids were running wild and Alan and were involved in a snippy snip fest when our 22 guests started to arrive.

The dinner was great and, since everyone brings their signature dish, the food was incredible. We only had two small incidents. There were two family members (one on his side and one on mine) who got mad and went out to sit in their car like silly whiny babies. They did return eventually and the evening was a success. Even Alan and I had made up by the end of the night. However, I told him that I would not be able to have sex with him for a while since the last time we did it I awoke a few hours later with severe nausea. I needed time to work through the trauma.

So this brings me to hiccups. Sunday evening I had a bad case of the hiccups and Alan managed to convince me that having sex would cure them. He made a very good case and I had to know if it was true. I had no sooner agreed to the sex when I realized the hiccups were gone. Just saying yes cured me completely!! I didn't even have to go through with the sex! I thanked Alan for curing me and then turned over and went to sleep. Don't worry, Alan got his the next morning. I am powerless to resist him for long. No, I am serious, I was powerless to resist him. It was really early and I was half asleep.


Dr Zibbs said...

Don't even get me started on what the cure for the common cold is. Ohh behave.

Big Al said...

Well to plead my case, the house was WAY dirtier than you let on, the kids did help me a lot, but being kids I couldn't keep them working 8 hours a day for no pay. That would be Nike. And the turkey recipe is very labor-intensive. Really. I don't just slam the turkey in the oven, I prepare the absolute best turkey ever. I get comments from the family about how they can't wait until Thanksgiving so they can eat my turkey. I can't let my fans down, now, can I?

If anyone wants my incredible turkey recipe, just ask and I'll share. Also, if you want to know the hows and whys about my cure for hiccups, ask and ye shall recieve...

Knot said...

I'm getting excited just reading this. AND my hiccups are gone.

You two are like rabbits. How cool.

I try to avoid dysfunctional family moments. Like trying to swerve and not hit a barn. Sometimes it just doesn't work.


whoissecretdubai said...

a humble request...(for anyone not allowing this post through--not spam--)

Anyone happen to know who Secret Dubai (the blogger: secretdubai.blogspot.com) is?


Melissa said...

um, i don't want to know how many times you do it! but i do want to know who sat in their car during your feast. i'm sure i can figure it out!