Wednesday, August 06, 2008

What the funk?!

All two of my readers may have noticed that I have not posted for quite some time. Well, you can blame my children for that, I sure do. I was experiencing a severe 'Summer Funk' brought on by spending way too much time in close proximity to my children. They have doused my creative flame. At the end of the day I have barely had the energy to lift the cocktail to my lips let alone put coherent thoughts in a post. I am spending my days acting as the cruise director for two tough customers. If I try to sit and have a minute at the computer I get, "Mommy, can you set the pool up?...Mommy, can you make me a snow cone?...Mommy, can you come wipe me?...Mommy, can we go outside?...Mommy, can you make me a snack? Mommy, can I watch a show? Mommy, you fill my water gun? Mommy, Mommy, MOMMY!!"

It's not just the constant requests that have sapped my creative spark, it's the whining--I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm bored, I'm hot, I'm cold, my feet hurt, my head hurts, my butt itches, he hit me, he's looking at me, he's copying me, he touched my legos, he's annoying me, I don't want to go there, I don't want to walk, why can't you buy it for me, YOU'RE MEAN!!

And finally there's the housework. I feel like I do nothing but pick up after them, do dishes, do laundry, and clean up the yard. I try and enlist their help but sometimes I just cannot stand any more whining. So I do it myself while plotting ways I will get back at them when they are teenagers.

After weeks of this, my summer funk turned in to an all out depression. I was convinced my children were the spawns of Satan, my life was the suckiest suckfest that ever sucked from the teat of the Queen of Suckdom AND it was all Alan's fault. Alan recognized that I was about to go all Oprah on his ass--the weeping, the constant need to talk about my feelings, and the never ending and fruitless search for my spirit. So he said, "Let's go away together--alone."

So we just returned from a lovely and relaxing long weekend in Charleston, SC. We slept late, we shopped, we ate amazing food, we drank great wine, we walked hand in hand, and we took naps. It was wonderful and just what I needed--a little separation from the kids does wonders for my attitude. I am feeling better and more patient now and am hoping this little venture will sustain me until school starts again.

That's right, I'm back!! Are you scared? I will now bust out a little rhyme to celebrate. (Lyrics borrowed from a great poet and my personal Red Neck Fantasy, Kid Rock)

J.Hi is back in original form
The legible, credible, inevitable storm
Way past the norm still misbehavin'
Finger in the air and the flag still wavin'

Happy Anniversary, Alan! Thanks for your love, friendship, support, and 14 years worth of amazing Os. Kisses!


Anonymous said...

About time ...

Ya, I don't put up with the whining. I do for my kids what they can't do for themselves or I don't want them doing. And that's my general rule.

Glad you had a good time. You didn't mention the wild chandelier sex.


Falwless said...

"and the 14 years worth of amazing Os." That's the best tribute EVER.

I am so glad you're back! I missed you.