Thursday, February 14, 2008

What's that smell? Oh, it's Love.

Love is in the air. Ahhh...Valentine's Day! The day of cheesy gestures to celebrate our affections for each other. I love it! I relish all of the traditional V-day items--the chocolates, the roses, the cards, cute heart-shaped foods, cheesy romantic songs and happy endings. It's nice to celebrate the more pleasant aspects of love. Because, let's face it, love is complicated and does not always give me the warm fuzzies. Sometimes love picks his nails, OR whistles the same tune over and over and over again until you want to beat him with a bat, OR walks by a basket of clean clothes for a week without it ever occuring to him that he should put them away, OR says "you didn't tell me that" when you told him about 5 times. Alan, I LOVE YOU. I really, really, really do. But you piss me off and you know it! :)


I think God kind of gives some unrealistic expectations regarding love with the whole 'Love is patient, love is kind...not selfish or quick to take offense' stuff. Come on, God, that may be true but you take love and add marriage and kids and you have a tornado of good and bad just whipping your ass on a daily basis. It can make you crazy.

A wise man once said, "If you haven’t contemplated murder, you ain’t never been in love. If you haven’t seriously thought about killing the mother fucker, you ain’t never been in love. If you haven’t had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for 45 minutes straight, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll their ass up in, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t practiced your alibi in front of the mirror, you ain’t been in love."
Chris Rock

Pretty funny but it also illustrates how true love can evoke such passion and psychotic thoughts. I've got it! Love is like a natural disaster--it brings us together but tends to leave a lot of destruction in its path. Well, in my case only a little destruction. It's all good, except when its not. :)

So here a love letter to my Valentine:

Alan,

The passion I feel for you knows no bounds. I yell so loud because I care so much. I love you so much that I would do anything for you. Our love is my strength and I could not go on without it. I love you so much that if any other woman came sniffing around you I would smack that bitch down and beat her bloody. I love you so much that if you ever tried to leave me I would kill you, kill you dead. Then I would soon follow so I could be with you. But I would much prefer to grow old with you 'cause I think you would look cute all wrinkly and confused. You are my World, my Heart my Life. I found a quote that sums it up--"My love for you is a journey; Starting at forever, And ending at never." ~ by Anonymous ~

Happy Valentine's Day, Honey! Now come home from work so we can get shit-faced on champagne and do it.

Love ya,

J.Hi

4 comments:

Edge said...

Hey I really want to add you to my google reader, but your site doesn't have the feed turned on.

~Jef

amunson said...

LOL, you make me laugh! I love you so much! :) FYI - here's a link to that Chris Rock routine, it's hilarious!

Chris Rock - View on Love and Relationships

DebbieDoesLife said...

Love your post! This definately describes how I love my boys - they can drive me nuts 90% of the time and then that other 10% makes it all worthwhile.

Thanks for coming by my blog.

S E E Quine said...

` That's so cute! I'd kill my boyfriend too if he ran off. But I know he won't. Even if I wasn't letting him keep sex slaves.