Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Blame it on the brain


My son Shepard is 5 years old and as sweet as southern iced tea. He still loves to cuddle, gives me butterfly kisses, often tells me I'm beautiful, and says he wants to live with me forever. When he smiles it feels like sugar plum fairies are dancing on your heart. But you know every Yin has it's Yang. And Shepard's Yang is the worst case of selective hearing on the planet. The boy can tune out anyone and anything. His hearing is not the problem, that's been checked and it's fine. Yes, the 'man gene' is strong in this one. Even my banshee-like shrieking doesn't register to him if Sponge Bob is on. So, this is how he gets into trouble--well, that and the licking. (see post from 2/4/10.)

I was particularly frustrated last week as I was trying to get the boys out of the building after their gymnastics class. Five "Get your coat on!!!" laters, I found Shepard playing with a friend without a coat on. On the ride home I told him "Shepard, you will be grounded tonight because you did not listen to me." The whining immediately started since Shepard hates to be punished. He was determined to get out of it and here is how it went down:

Shepard: I'm sorry I didn't get my coat on, Mommy, but my friend came up and asked me to play and I accidentally said yes.

Me: You accidentally said yes?

Shepard: Yes, it was my brain's fault!!

Me: Your brain?!

Shepard: My brain did it! (Under his breath he says, "Stupid brain.")

Me: Shepard, you and your brain are the same. You are partners.

Shepard: NO, it was my brain that did it, NOT ME!! I'm telling you it was my brain's fault.

Sage chimes in: Ground his brain! Ground his brain!!

Me: (holding my hand over my mouth, trying not to laugh)

Shepard: So, am I still grounded?

Me: Yes, Shepard, you and your brain are grounded.

Shepard: (under his breath again) Stupid brain, you got me in trouble.
At home, Shepard marched down the hallway toward his room like a man walking the plank. His head was hanging low, his brow furrowed yet still emphatic in his 'errant brain' defense.
Can you see it now? "Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client is innocent of the charges. His brain might have led him astray, but my client is INNOCENT!!!" 'If it does not fit, you must acquit' was so yesterday. This is the defense of the decade--'My brain made me do it!!

6 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

Butterfly kisses.

C said...

they just say the cutest things, dont they.... bless his lil brain and heart... oh and him too, if he's there!

bwahahahahaha

c

Clippy Mat said...

i understand.
i've accidentally said yes myself a few times.
:-)

Knot said...

At least he didn't say it was his imaginary friend Hannibal Lecter who told him to play with his friend.

melymelm said...

stupid brain! shepard is the cutest!

Angela said...

Long time reader, first time commenter. I've actually heard defense attorneys use that argument. I'm glad you didn't give in. I too have one of those. She hasn't used the brain defense yet but I'm sure it will come.