Jigsaw: Pieces of my life

Talent--inherited

2011-05-09T06:39:00.002-05:00

Sage was in the school talent show this year. It was a collaborative effort but he pulled it off. :) Enjoy and then tell your friends because he is dying to go viral. LOL

So 40 has been busy

2011-04-03T14:16:00.005-05:00

Well, not that I have any readers left after my absence but here goes...My children's lives are busier than mine. I spend my time doing homework, oops I mean helping with homework (yeah, that's it,) coordinating how they will get to their activities, and picking up underwear off the floor. Seriously, how many times do I have to tell them? At least they are wearing underwear, I suppose. Boys (big

I have arrived

2010-11-18T19:10:00.006-05:00

It doesn't matter if you are woman or man, black or white, straight or gay, fat or thin, rich or poor, liberal or conservative, beautiful or not, Bieber lover or Bieber hater---it can, AND will, happen to you. I know, because it happened to me...I turned 40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!What the fuck??!!!??!!!!??!!!!!! That's what I said to my mirror the last day I was 39. And then I cried.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

2010-09-07T10:38:00.003-05:00

My vacation from blogging is over. Today is back to school day! Shepard entered 1st grade and Sage moved up to 5th. They were not completely happy to be going back however, we all needed a little separation--from each other and from me. Wow, the past three weeks were trying. About 2 weeks ago, Alan found a note from Sage in his pocket--folded over and stapled at the top. It was labeled "To Daddy.

The planets are aligned

2010-05-21T08:13:00.004-05:00

Alan was out of town from Tuesday through Thursday. His company's national sales meeting was in Las Vegas. He didn't really have time for any fun--or so he would have me believe. ;) Fortunately, he does not have to travel often for his job. I say that because I am such a weenie about him leaving. I worry about him flying and start thinking all kinds of gloom and doom thoughts. Then I worry about

My Sleeping Beauty

2010-05-19T10:18:00.002-05:00

Just call me the Disney Nazi. On Magic Kingdom day, I had them all up at 5 a.m. and at the gates of the park by 7 a.m. We had all the most popular ride done by lunchtime. Yay me! So we decided to go back to the hotel for lunch and a nap before going back to the park for the evening. This little video of Shepard I took on the bus going back to the hotel--remember, it was only around noon. I am

It's a world of laughter

2010-05-13T08:06:00.003-05:00

For Spring Break we took the kids to Florida to visit some good friends and do the Disney thing. Alan and I have good memories of visiting the Magic Kingdom when we were kids and it was very exciting to be able to share that with the boys. Of course, in this day and age, some rides just don't translate, as I found out. One of the most famous rides there is the "It's a small world ride." You are

Back on the blog wagon

2010-04-23T17:05:00.003-05:00

Spring's been full of activity and I cannot wait to catch you up. The first thing that derailed my my blog train was a wedding. My niece asked me if she could have her wedding at my house. I was excited and very honored. It's her 2nd marriage and she did the whole big expensive wedding for her first marriage (which lasted 9 months.) This time she wanted to save the money and keep it small. Of

Fire safety gone wrong

2010-03-12T15:03:00.009-05:00

Alan and I were shamed into developing a fire escape plan for the house. It's fire safety time in 4th grade and Sage found us out--we hadn't thought about the subject since he was in 1st grade. So we did our duty and gave a wonderful lecture on all aspects of fire safety. With visions of Sage from our fire drill three years ago, I made sure I stressed that they were never to hide during a fire. (

Domo Arigato

2010-03-06T16:07:00.005-05:00

I was sleeping late this morning. Alan and I can do that now that the boys are able to forage food on their own for breakfast. I was all snuggled up with my man when start to hear music. My eye cracks open, confusedly wondering where it was coming from. Then I realize I am hearing Styx singing "Mr. Roboto." I lift my sleepy head from the pillow and see this sight in my doorway.Am I dreaming? All

Blame it on the brain

2010-03-02T16:00:00.003-05:00

My son Shepard is 5 years old and as sweet as southern iced tea. He still loves to cuddle, gives me butterfly kisses, often tells me I'm beautiful, and says he wants to live with me forever. When he smiles it feels like sugar plum fairies are dancing on your heart. But you know every Yin has it's Yang. And Shepard's Yang is the worst case of selective hearing on the planet. The boy can tune out

Love bites

2010-02-22T18:34:00.013-05:00

Sage found this picture ( <------ ) on my desktop and he ran and told Alan that I was cheating on him. And then he wanted me to go on TV and apologise. Ha!! Thanks, Tiger! This is vampire Eric from the HBO series "True Blood." I had him on my desktop for a very important topic--Vampires who are on my list. Usually I don't find vampire love very appealing. However, there have been a surge of

Let the healing begin

2010-02-20T14:36:00.004-05:00

For months now I have been living with this pain of betrayal. Everyday living with the reality of what he did to us so carelessly--how he was not the man I needed him to be. But that weight has been lifted, people. Tiger has finally apologized to me. I feel like I can move on now and start living my life again. How about you? Was this apology enough? Do you think now that we can all come together

GaGa Oh la la

2010-02-15T11:48:00.003-05:00

I usually don't brag about such things but I had some !Ah-Ma-Zing! sex this past weekend. It was hot--I mean it was yeah, uh huh, oooooooooo, uh, yeah, mmmmmmmm, uh uh UH, Yeah, oh ooooo, mmmm hmmmm, yes, Yes, YEEEEES, mmmmmmm, aaaaahhhhhh HOT! Sometimes you have to gloat a little, especially when you're married with kids and approaching 40. It was a good Valentine's day. Alan and I don't go all

His spirit has been broken

2010-02-04T21:18:00.009-05:00

It took five months but they did it...the bastards broke my 5 year old. He loved school until that day last week when he got off the bus with sad puppy dog eyes and whimpered, "I had a bad day! I got on yellow." The behavior system in class is a stoplight: green--you're good, yellow--you did one bad thing and have been warned, red--UH OH!! Shepard has always been on green. He is my rule follower,

What'chu talkin' bout, Willis?!

2010-01-25T07:32:00.002-05:00

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. It was a rough one, as you can see. Talk about bed head!!! I have been doing some self improvement work lately which I will get to later. BUT I have to wrap up my thoughts on 2009 and I here are my favorite quotes from the past year. 1. Alan and I were having one of our louder "discussions" when Sage piped up and said, "I need a bag of popcorn, I'm

Reflections by J.Hi

2010-01-06T11:03:00.005-05:00

What a better way to start a new year than looking back. 2009 may not have been a great year for the country but it was a banner year here in my little piece of heaven. I started the year with a preschooler and ended it with a grade schooler. That was big for me. Even though Shepard loves school and is thriving, he's my baby. I really just want to slap a diaper on his butt, a pacie in his mouth,

Mooory Christmooooomas!!

2009-12-25T14:54:00.004-05:00

Word of the day

2009-12-18T07:38:00.004-05:00

As a punishment, I made Sage write a report on why it is important to be respectful to your parents. In the report he used the word "obsequious." Although he misspelled it, I was still very impressed my 9 year old was using such a big word. I had to ask him what it meant. A Facebook friend commented 'Come on, UVA grad...isn't obsequious part of your everyday vocabulary?" But I told her "Kids have

Tiger update

2009-12-11T08:46:00.003-05:00

Did you hear in the news that Tiger is changing his name? Yeah, instead of Tiger he will now be known as Cheetah.Tiger is putting out a Christmas card this year. On the front it says, "Ho Ho Ho" and when you open it there's another Ho, and another Ho, and another Ho (12 so far, and counting.) HahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHappy Friday and may your 'putter' or your 'hole

Don't tell...

2009-12-08T15:38:00.004-05:00

Can you keep a secret? Here is the birthday present I got for Alan. It's a statue of Alan and I that I had whipped up last week. It's too big for the house so I thought it would be a great lawn ornament. What do you think? I am sure my neighborhood association will adore it, as well as my neighbors.Don't you just looooooove it? ;)

Happy Birthday!!

2009-12-08T08:13:00.003-05:00

Quoth Alan, "I don't feel 40." Well, what does 40 feel like? I won't know until October. But Alan is paving the way because today is his birthday!!! Happy Birthday, my love!Now Alan, I know you are a little freaked out about turning 40 but you shouldn't worry. You still have your looks (oh so sexy) your health (turn and cough,) your hair (all over the place--ha ha,) a gorgeous wife (who thinks

I Object!

2009-12-04T07:37:00.003-05:00

I am starting a new segment entitled "I Object!" which will be dedicated to things that stick in my craw. So here we go.I Object!...to people who whine about having to listen to Christmas music throughout the month of December. It never fails, every year I will hear a handful of people making snide comments like, "Ugh, Christmas music, already?" or "I cannot bear to listen to anymore Christmas

I will not be ignored!

2009-12-02T08:07:00.006-05:00

What's with all this Tiger Woods stuff? Make no mistake, I do appreciate a juicy little gossip and this story was interesting for about 3 hours. If this happened in my neighborhood, we would be standing around whispering, "Well, all I know is that he just happened to crash his car in his driveway at 2 in the morning...and his wife just happened to be standing by with a golf club. And when the

Facebook has taken my brain

2009-11-19T08:48:00.003-05:00

I've just got nothing right now. I need some time to compose my thoughts so I have some entertainment for you. I discovered this video about a year ago but it still makes me laugh. It's called 'Everyday Normal Guy.' Get out the headphones because it has inappropriate language (my favorite kind.) He does have a part 2 which is good but not as good as the first. And part 3 which, as with most part

Lightning can strike twice

2009-11-11T10:08:00.005-05:00

I once posted (Waxing Poetic)about a very special person in my life--my deaf Brazilian waxer, Anna Paula. She took very good care of me until last spring. When I called to make my appointment, I found that she had moved away to D.C.--that bitch! How could she?! She didn't even sign goodbye me!I reluctantly made an appointment with a new girl. I didn't even ask her name--why bother? She wasn't

Monday funny

2009-11-09T07:24:00.002-05:00

It's Monday and you need a little giggle, so watch this. If you don't think this is funny, then grab the nearest 5 year old to watch it with. You will laugh at them laughing at it. Trust me. I've seen it like 75 times and it never gets old.Have a weiner day!

Lesson learned

2009-11-06T13:16:00.003-05:00

Make no mistake about it, people, parenting is a job. It is a job without monetary benefits, without promotion, and without free perks. If you thought that your life's purpose was to have children, raise children and have those children appreciate the job you did, then you will end up a sad shell of a human being. Unsolicited praise from my kids is very rare and when it does happen, I feel all

I am a superhero--but you knew that already

2009-11-02T09:54:00.010-05:00

It rained here off and on all day on Halloween. But we didn't let that dampen (ha ha) our fun. We got the carving, baking and costuming done for our annual neighborhood party. This year Sage was an evil clown--he worked on his insane laugh for weeks. Shepard was the cutest little cowboy ever. Ah, he is still such an innocent flower. I wonder how long I have until he starts wanting to be a

A sign from...no, not God.

2009-10-29T07:50:00.004-05:00

If there was ever a more clear sign to "get blogging" (as my blogging buddy Clippy Mat so eloquently put it) then I don't know what it would be. Here it is compliments of, you guessed it, my son, Sage. Boys will be boys, I suppose. Looks like Scarecrow is happy to see you. Happy Halloween!!!!!!!

Time keeps on slipping

2009-10-01T07:37:00.005-05:00

Do I really look 39 to you?!! OK, don't answer that. And stop using your zoom, dammit!!!All hail the Birthday girl!! That's me. I have made a birthday resolution which is to rock the last year of my 30s. This decade has been good to me. I have wonderful memories. I don't know what to expect from my 40s but I will think about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.I started my day with

2009's putting J.Hi in a corner

2009-09-15T13:48:00.002-05:00

Noooooo, not Swayze too!! What the hell is going on here?! Why is the year 2009 trying to kill my childhood?I swear if Simon Le Bon dies next, I am going to freaking LOSE IT, People!!!!Up yours 2009!!And don't even think about messing with Michael J. Fox!!!!!

Free at last, free at last

2009-09-15T08:12:00.006-05:00

The kids started school last week and boy have I been lazy!!! I was sad to see my baby Shepard start kindergarten...well, I was sad for like thirty seconds after he got on the bus and then I was elated. It's the sweet smell of freedom, baby! Weeeeehoooooo!! Shepard has adjusted well to school and says that he loves it. On Friday, he was able to pick a prize from the treasure box in his

Picture perfect

2009-08-31T12:05:00.002-05:00

Here's the picture montage I made for Alan. Watch it quick because YouTube said they might shut it down since I used a copyrighted song.

Party in the U.S.A.

2009-08-31T08:46:00.009-05:00

I threw Alan a party for his birthday this past Saturday. He actually turns 40 on December 8th however, he wanted a summer party so we could hang out on the porch and deck. So we called it a '39 and holding' party. It was a great success but whoa, am I tired! I had to cat nap off and on all day yesterday and then slept a good 8 hours last night. I still feel a little slow today but life goes on

My tribute to John Hughes

2009-08-07T08:25:00.002-05:00

When Sage was 6, I found him like this one day. He said, "Daddy taught me how to do this." Alan was so busted! But I had to smile since it was right out of one of my favorite teen movies "Weird Science." Gary?... By the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads? Ceremonial RIP John, you made me laugh

And I thought I loved him then

2009-08-06T09:34:00.004-05:00

Country songs just hit right home with me. I heard a song this morning that made me smile. It was Brad Paisley's song "Then." I really related to the sentiment in the song, especially today.I remember, trying not to stare the night that I first met you, You had me mezmorized...I first met Alan while in our 4th year of college. We were out at a bar with friends and our groups happened to be

Let sleeping kids lie

2009-07-31T07:41:00.007-05:00

Sage crawled into bed with me early this morning and said, "Shepard looks so cute when he is sleeping." I told him "Well, God invented sleep so parents would keep their children." I explained, "Some days kids drive their parents crazy and misbehave so much that by the end of the day the parents say 'We can't take it anymore!!!' and then the kid goes to sleep. When the parents come to check on the

I am...Polka Master!!

2009-07-27T15:21:00.006-05:00

Alan will turn 40 in December. However, he wants an outdoor party for his birthday so I am throwing him a "39 and holding" party at the end of August. Yes, you are all invited. Anyway, the planning has already begun because I want it to be SPECTACULAAAARRRRR!! I have been exchanging emails with a few entertainers, one of which happens to be an accordion player. (You have to understand what I am

A peek into the male brain

2009-07-24T09:08:00.003-05:00

Alan and I had just woken up and were cuddling before the day began. Alan said "I had a dream about you last night." I was waiting for the graphic details--what lingerie would I be wearing and in what position. But he surprised me. Alan, "I dreamed that you were a lesbian." Me, "A lesbian?"Alan, "Yeah, and not the good kind." Me, "What do you mean--the good kind?"Alan, "Oh you know, the kind that

Number 3

2009-07-21T09:31:00.002-05:00

I took the boys to the dentist yesterday. Shepard was happy to go and said, "Yay, I love the dentist!"***Side note: Let me just say, for the record, that my kids are waaaay too spoiled. When I was little I had a 60 year old scraggly-haired dentist with a gravely voice and smoker's breath. And he scared the crap out of me. I always behaved because I was paralysed with fear. I didn't want my kids

I wanna rock with you

2009-06-26T09:37:00.008-05:00

I mourn for Michael Jackson today. But I mourn for my '80s Michael, my Thriller Michael--not for what he became but for what he was. You cannot deny his influence. His music brings me back to my teenage years and will always have a special place in my heart. Another American tragedy.I am way, way too upset to exercise today. How could I possibly run the treadmill when Michael is dead? I had

Found: One selfish shrew

2009-06-25T10:30:00.001-05:00

Here I am again, Friends, to inform you that my quest for the elusive J.Hi has ended. I have accomplished my mission. I found her. I went to her house and upon receiving no answer to my knock, I decided to wander around to the backyard. Who should I find lounging on the deck but Miss Thang herself. I confronted her and here is the transcript...Reader: Well, well, well...if it isn't J.Hi sitting

Suspicions

2009-06-24T18:21:00.007-05:00

I am starting to get suspicious. I have found more photographic evidence and it seems that J.Hi may not be in as much distress as I thought. Here she is at Shepard's preschool graduation. She is looking pretty happy here. No distress to speak of. And here she is with Sage on his 9th birthday. All smiles. Hmmmm, interesting. Finally, I found out that she went on vacation with Alan, Sage and

J.Hi sightings

2009-06-23T08:58:00.007-05:00

Hello again Friends,I'm the one who posted yesterday. You can just call me Reader. After a day of searching and asking around J.Hi's 'hood I still was not able to find her current whereabouts but I did dig up some information. It seems that she was sighted on Memorial Day weekend at the zoo with her family. I found some pictures documenting this visit. Rumor has it that after buying the food to

Where in the world is J.Hi?

2009-06-22T09:29:00.003-05:00

Hello Friends, It's been over a month and we have not had a new post from J.Hi. I am a regular reader of this blog and I want to know where she has been? Why hasn't she posted? Doesn't she care about us? Is she really a wife, mother, nurse? Is she really a woman?!!! Or has this all been a ruse, a dream sequence? Have we just woken up without her? I am afraid. I don't think I can live without her.

Mama mia!!!!

2009-05-12T10:49:00.004-05:00

Mother's Day had its ups and downs. I always have this fantasy of having breakfast served in bed and then being waited on hand and foot for the rest of the day while being showered with love and appreciation. Doesn't usually happen, but they try and that is what counts. I know they love me. How could they not?! Ha!I have two sister who are 11 and 10 years older than me. They became mothers long

My parents never loved me

2009-05-11T08:53:00.008-05:00

And here's the proof...What kind of a messed up 5th birthday present is that?!! I cannot believe my parents seriously did this to me. Come on!!!My baby turned 5 on Thursday and in September will be entering kindergarten. This has been a tough one for me. But he is excited and oh so ready for the next step. He has grown up way too quickly--a result of having an older brother I am sure. Instead of

One thing leads to another

2009-05-06T14:07:00.009-05:00

The green dust has been mucking up my mind, ya'll. The pollen usually doesn't kick my butt this bad. But for the past month I have been a coughing, snotting, couch loving, junk food eating, ass dragging human equivalent of a three-toed sloth. I have tons of thoughts in my head but not motivated to get them out. Until now...Because of my period of sluggishness, I have packed on a few pounds. My

Swine Flu, my ass!

2009-05-01T10:36:00.003-05:00

Did you hear that they renamed the Swine Flu? It's now H1N1 virus. Is it me or does that make you want to call it the Heiny Flu? Ass lovers everywhere will now be afraid for their lives. Do you love ass? Oh you do?! Well the Heiny Flu is coming for you. I hope they will be distributing some ass masks for protection. Since it is a combo of pig, bird and human germs, why don't they call it the "

AL TV

2009-04-10T08:45:00.005-05:00

Sleeping Beauty (that's me) was awoken this morning not by a gentle kiss but by the sounds of 'I Love Rocky Road.' It was Weird Al Yankovic who woke me from my comfortable slumber. I've always thought Weird Al was funny but I never realized the genius of Al until Sage started to become a huge Weird Al fan. It all started last year when Sage told me one of his favorite rap songs was 'White and

Better batter therapy

2009-04-09T14:58:00.004-05:00

Whoa, who was that raving maniac posting yesterday?! OK, there are many sides to me and one of them is an angry, violent wildcat. Whatev, they are my inner demons and I own them! Plus I look really cute when I rave. ;)I'm feeling a bit better today due to time and the great support and advice I received from my blogging buds. It seems that batting practice is a wonderful way to blow off steam. I

Like a chainsaw

2009-04-08T08:13:00.002-05:00

I am not in a good place today. Life has been dog piling on me lately and I am feeling overwhelmed--not sad so much as angry. I've got a raging hot, nasty knot of anger just sitting in my gut and no way to get rid of it. I mean I am wife, mother, nurse and community member--it's not like I can go around raging and breaking shit. Although that would feel really good, it's just not practical.That's

F-F-F Foolin'

2009-04-01T07:58:00.002-05:00

I want to thank all of you who watched my kid's kick ass talent show video. He has over 100 hits on You Tube and though that is just a blip in the big scheme of things, it is really exciting to an 8 year old. So thanks. And if you haven't watched it, then do it you heartless bastard!! (See last Wednesday's post)Today is my HALF Birthday so you may send me half the love you normally would on my

J.Hi, this is your life

2009-03-31T07:44:00.004-05:00

I walked upstairs to find this note taped to the wall. God, did you leave this note?**It reads "Warning you in the fire zone so be carful if you want to live."

Duel of the Fates

2009-03-25T10:07:00.002-05:00

Sage was in the school talent show last week. It's elementary school so if you audition and you are appropriate, you're in. Needless to say, there were a lot of girl groups dancing and cheering. He decided to show off his mad light sabre skillz to music. He is simulating a battle to the music "Duel of the Fates" from Episode I. According to the show director, Sage's act was very unique. As a

The beast that ate my cookie

2009-03-23T09:03:00.005-05:00

Alan and I have had a run of bad luck recently which resulted in a financial crunch. It was the tree removal, 2 large car repair bills, and our heat pump conked out during the snowstorm. Ch-ching, ch-ching, and yes, more ch-ching right out of our pocket. We were scraping the bottom of the barrel. We even resorted to stealing $18 from our 8 year old son's wallet so we could go out to lunch

Tree trauma

2009-03-05T11:36:00.005-05:00

We had a snowstorm Sunday evening and during that storm we heard a loud scratching noise on the house. When we ran to the window to look out we saw one of the limbs of our front yard tree had cracked and fallen toward the house. Then a few hours later we were stunned by another loud CRACK! Another huge limb down toward the minivan--horrors. The tree people came the next day and had to take the

Closet case

2009-03-04T11:14:00.003-05:00

I am writing this from inside my closet--lights off and typing softly. I have to be careful not to make a sound for they may find me. I can hear them out there. Faint bumps, rustling, louder thuds, and sometimes murmuring or yelling. I know they are out there ransacking the house and there is nothing I can do about it. I am helpless inside my own house, a hostage. Alan is back at work. I am alone

Wine festival brush with fame

2009-03-01T11:27:00.002-05:00

Alan and I went to a wine expo yesterday with our neighbors. Over 300 wines from about 40 wineries from our state. The wines were excellent. But imagine my surprise when I had a brush with celebrity. Here's a picture...Can you tell who it is? I know it's his back but just imagine him in a purple suit, fur coat and a big hat with a feather. It is none other than Venus Flytrap himself!! He's

The art of killing the mood: Chapter 3

2009-02-27T12:20:00.004-05:00

One morning before school, Alan and I were having a great argument. It seems that the previous week Alan had sent Shepard to school with a bag of chips for a snack. The children are supposed to bring in a 'healthy snack' so I was a bit miffed by his decision. The discussion became more heated (and louder) since he was trying to defend himself and argue that a bag of chips was a healthy snack. I

J.Hi's secret

2009-02-24T11:18:00.004-05:00

My boobs are once again sitting up and at attention. I am sure you all are relieved. My post Christmas mall aversion lasted a bit longer this year. But last week I was finally able to enter the mall and bra shop. I tried hard to find a bra other than a Victoria Secret bra because I really do not have a strong desire to spend $40 on one bra. However, through careful research (OK, so I went to one

Jason loves you

2009-02-13T09:03:00.006-05:00

Friday the 13th. What does that mean to me? Well, I am not superstitious so it would be just another day except for that damn movie. When you think of scary don't you think about that hockey mask? I know I do. I loved horror movies when I was younger, especially Friday the 13th Part 2. I never saw the original because I was too young at the time but I did see Part 2. It came out in 1981. I would

Opthamologists: scourge of America in the 21st century

2009-02-11T08:58:00.006-05:00

**Warning: This post may contain strong language because I am really fucking pissed.There is a great injustice going on in this world and I am here today to expose it. If you are a contact wearer you are probably aware of this problem. But you seeing eye people most likely have no idea of the travesty of justice that befalls the visually challenged. This is an issue that affects me everyday, for

Tag, I'm it!

2009-02-09T09:19:00.004-05:00

I have been tagged by Kimber p over at I Know, Right?! to participate in a picture game. (Thank you, girl!!) I am supposed to go to my 4th folder in which I keep pictures and post the 4th picture I see with an explanation. So here it is.This is Sage and I when Sage was about 9 months old. Alan and I took him to a playground near our house and took tons of pictures of him. Sage was the center of

iPod revelation

2009-02-06T08:07:00.002-05:00

I discovered that this song is #1 on my iTunes top 25 most played list. What does this say about me? I'm not sure but all I know is that it has a catchy beat and is fun to work out to. Happy Friday!

The enemy within

2009-02-05T11:06:00.016-05:00

The reason why I have only been posting about once per week lately is because nothing is going on here. For the past month, things have been running smoothly. Alan and I are getting along, no major extended family drama, no house issues, and--here's the weirdest part--the kids have been fairly well-behaved. So how am I supposed to get any good material with all this peacefulness and tranquility?

Listing brain

2009-01-30T16:20:00.001-05:00

I have been doing lots of lists for Facebook lately so I decided that my Friday post will be in list form with no apparent rhyme or reason. I'm just going to tip my brain to the side and see what comes out. 1. I'm in desparate need of a new bra but I hate to bra shop. How do I know I need a new bra? My boobs keep spilling out of the sides! It probably looks like I have three to four boobs in

Derby Day

2009-01-24T17:53:00.008-05:00

I am writing this on Saturday morning. It is an exciting day for, you see, today is Pinewood Derby Day! My son Sage is a Cub Scout and Alan is his den leader. Every year in January, Cub Scouts everywhere are given a block of wood, four nail and four wheels. From this block of wood they are expected plan, design, and make their own racing car. Parents of cubs are only supposed to give advice and

I've been committed

2009-01-22T17:10:00.002-05:00

I was looking back and realized that I have been blogging on a consistent basis for about a year. Ok, there were a couple of lapses here and there when my lazy fingers couldn't make it to the keyboard but, for the most part, I was committed to blogging this year. I have really enjoyed it and I hope all three to four of you who read my blog have enjoyed it too. But there comes a time in every

I want to be a BIG loser!

2009-01-20T10:55:00.005-05:00

Since the new year I have been watching shows like "The Biggest Loser" and "National Body Challenge" and I have learned something--Losing weight is hard!! But these people on the shows have inspired me. After much discussion, Alan and I have finally come up with a diet plan we think we can live with. We have decided to eat and eat until we become morbidly obese and then have the weight loss

Whose is bigger?!

2009-01-13T10:25:00.008-05:00

We have two attics in our house--a walk up attic and a smaller space behind our master closet. A few years ago I was putting clothes away in our closet attic and due to a misstep happened to step on some exposed drywall. My foot went through the floor of the attic. It is a large grapefruit sized hole which allows us to see down into our garage. We have never repaired it and there are three

A new beginning!!!

2009-01-05T10:13:00.004-05:00

No, not really. It's the same old me with the same old issues in 2009--husband, kids, weight, waxing. It's just me in 2009--Just J.Hi. So, after my last panicked post things did improve. I was able to get in every Christmas thing I envisioned--cookies, decorations, lights, Santa, Nutcracker, shopping and family time. Unfortunately, no blogging or computer stuff at all. But, it was quite a nice

I'd like a peace of goodwill, please

2008-12-16T13:43:00.004-05:00

This morning my eyes popped open wide at 5 am and I had my first Christmas anxiety attack. I knew it was coming--happens every year. Christmas was a lot more fun when I was a kid and not just because Santa visited me. My parents (especially my Mom) made Christmas perfect. We had the tree, the decorations, the music, the TV specials, the sugar cookie baking session, and every other detail you can

Bob Loblaw gave me pink eye

2008-12-10T11:31:00.005-05:00

To understand that title you would have to be a "South Park" fan and an "Arrested Development" fan. And if you aren't then you are not as cool as I am. The phlegm has been flying around here since before Thanksgiving. It started with Typhoid Alan then jumped to Shepard and then to me. So I have been suffering for the past week. The doctor gave me some lie about my burning throat and itchy ears

The cure for hiccups

2008-12-02T08:29:00.007-05:00

I have discovered it! But more on that later.At the beginning of our four days off I was full of hope and fancy ideas. I imagined quality time with our happy children and a peaceful Thanksgiving with our loving family. Why do I have these silly ideas? Am I high? It started well enough. Wednesday evening Alan and I took the kids to a movie and then spent the rest of the evening cuddling and

Drink, drank, drunk

2008-11-26T11:40:00.002-05:00

Oh Alan, he's the love of my life. Together we have made beautiful memories that I hold dear to my heart--especially the drunk and hazy ones. So as promised, here is my favorite drunk Alan story.The year was 1996...I think. Hey what do I know? I was drunk a lot too. Come on, we were young, newlyweds and childless. What else did we have to do? Well yeah, we did that a lot too. Ok, back to the

I'm not as think as you drunk I am

2008-11-25T12:27:00.006-05:00

Over the weekend we had some very good friends visiting from out of town--I'll call them Barbie and Ken. They are married and have kids the same ages as our kids. They live in another state now and so when we get together we make up for lost time. We enjoyed a long evening that included much food and drink. In fact, between the four of us we polished off three bottles of wine and several beers.

OMG TMJ WTF?

2008-11-20T10:13:00.007-05:00

My saga of woe all started last week when I decided to clean the house. I vacuumed way too much and ended up with a lower back ache. I still had to continue with my normal activities--herding children, working my shifts at the hospital and house management. So my backache started a downward spiral of self-pity. Lying horizontal on the couch is not conducive to blogging or even reading my favorite

Hips don't lie

2008-11-07T10:22:00.004-05:00

For me exercise is one of those things that I know I have to do but have never loved--much like going to the dentist, having a pap smear or performing a Lewinsky. I don't care what form of exercise I am doing, I loathe it and watch the clock until it is mercifully over. It starts in the parking lot of the gym. I am driving around looking for the closest parking spot to the door. What is wrong

Crucial, life affecting decisions

2008-11-06T10:55:00.005-05:00

I am strangely at peace today. Though I was not thrilled with either candidate, I am glad it is decided. It was very exciting and hard not to get caught up in the historic aspect of the victory. And I have decided to adopt Shepard's philosophy of life which he learned in preschool--You get what you get and you don't throw a fit! So life is good and it's time to move on to more important decisions

I fear change

2008-11-04T10:07:00.006-05:00

Election Day. It's finally arrived and I am so relieved. When I woke up it was raining hard. I think God is crying. But I am trying to look on the bright side--the campaign is over. I am glad that at the end of the day we will finally know our fate. It's the not knowing that makes my stomach churn.I took the boys with me and voted. I said to Sage, "Wasn't that exciting?" and he said, "No, it was

Stream of Consciousness Monday

2008-11-03T09:20:00.011-05:00

I woke up this morning in the middle of a dream about trick or treating geese. I don't remember what their costumes were. Dammit! All the pumpkin muffins are gone. I spent all day Thursday baking for 2 Halloween parties, one Fall festival and one Pumpkin festival. I do not really enjoy cooking but I do like to bake. I was about to make cupcakes for Shepard's preschool party when I read an email

You don't know Jack!

2008-10-31T05:27:00.005-05:00

We had the family pumpkin carving festivities last night. Our first pumpkin started out as an alien, then transformed into a devil then ended up as a bull. So he is a E.T. Devil Bull with tongue hanging out. That stuff on top is his brains. The second pumpkin was Sage's idea and Alan helped him realize his evil vision. Those guys are truly disturbing. I love it!!

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-30T09:01:00.004-05:00

Here's a present for my friend Zibbs over at That Blue Yak. Here's a treat for you that I found online--A Halloween moon.

Tales from the Mini Van

2008-10-29T08:07:00.004-05:00

I have never admitted this publicly but I am now the owner of a mini van. It happened this summer. I am a bit embarrassed by it since I have always been a bit anti mini van. But I couldn't take the Oldsmobile station wagon anymore. Our driveway looked like that drunk Exxon Valdez captain had been hanging out there and I needed a new ride. So we went car shopping which I rank up there with bathing

Tattoo you?

2008-10-23T21:37:00.016-05:00

Sage strikes again. Let me remind you of the first time Sage wrote on his brother. Will Shepard ever learn not to trust the devil that is his older brother? I think not.This happened while they were serving punishment time in their room. Sage claims Shepard wanted him to do it which I tend to believe since, among other things, he had a pirate drawn on his chest and a volcano on his forehead. But

Crisis over

2008-10-22T08:57:00.004-05:00

You may return to your lives, the crisis is over. My husband has finally honored me with a comment or two. It seems he does value his whites being separated from his colors, a clean plate to eat his wonderfully home-microwaved meals, and the cute way I fold his boxer briefs into swans to leave on his pillow at night. So wifely duties are back on and it is possible that I will throw in a few

Notice

2008-10-20T15:21:00.005-05:00

It has come to my attention that my own husband has not commented on my blog for the last EIGHT posts. I know I speak for all of you when I say this is shocking and egregious. As you all know, comments are very important to a blog and since I need all the comments I can get, I have decided that drastic measures are called for. I am hereby suspending all of my wifely duties until such time as my

Trifecta

2008-10-20T09:01:00.009-05:00

My weekend was pretty fantastical! It had all the element of a perfect weekend--fall, football, and free stuff. We attended a fall festival that was sponsored by my employer so everything was free. And my motto is 'If it's free, it's for me.' If there are more than one blowup jumpy thing at an event my boys give it five stars. Shepard declared, "That vegetable was awesome!" We arrived home in

Everything I need to know I learned on South Park

2008-10-17T08:06:00.014-05:00

So these are my choices. Really?! I usually do not delve into politics on this blog because politics is just too icky. When you visit J.Hi I want to you leave feeling warm, euphoric and safe like you just went back and visited your mother's womb--yes, please, come and float in my amniotic sac and be nourished by my placenta. Mmmmm, isn't that nice? I don't want you feel like you have been thrust

Countdown to Halloween

2008-10-09T10:41:00.002-05:00

Three weeks and one day until Halloween!!!!Are you scared?!

Ain't no party like a J.Hi party

2008-10-02T11:14:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was my birthday and I am now solidly in the late 30s category. Ack! Getting older isn't really bothering me yet. Although I am a bit worried about my labia. I had a co-worker once who was about 15 to 20 years older than me. She said that as she got older her labia began to drop and I have been freaked out ever since. So I said to Alan, "Look at my labia." "Wha? Huh?""LOOK AT THEM!""OK

A Sage moment

2008-09-26T09:10:00.003-05:00

Sage asked, "Do you ever wish you had a girl?"I replied, "No, never. Never have I wished that I had a girl."Sage, "Why?""Because I love my dirty, smelly, crazy boys.""Don't forget disgusting" Sage said."Oh yeah, disgusting too."Then I added, "I love everything about you, just the way you are....... although you could talk back less."And with a devilish grin, Sage said, "In your dreams."

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't

2008-09-24T12:22:00.005-05:00

Here's my problem with blogging. I know I should blog more often, probably everyday. However, it's all about integrity. I cannot put something out there that I don't think is up to my high standards--maybe not high so much as moderately high or low to moderately high--yes, that's it, low to moderately high standards. I have to be inspired to blog and my day to day life sometimes is not that

The art of killing the mood: Chapter 2

2008-09-09T08:39:00.003-05:00

As the rain of Hanna poured outside, Alan and I were snuggled up in the bed starting a little storm of our own. Apparently hurricanes turn Alan on. Actually, so do blizzards, heat waves, partly sunny days, partly cloudy days, isolated showers, and scattered showers. And don't even get me started on areas of high pressure. Weather, all weather turns him on.As Hanna raged outside (or whimpered

And then there were none

2008-09-08T15:43:00.004-05:00

Shepard started his last year of preschool today. He loves school and was ready to go. Last week we went to meet his teacher and he became totally outdone with me because I wouldn't leave. He said, "Just leave me, Mommy." I told him, "Shepard, I can't leave you. We are only here to meet your teacher." Shepard, "Go, Mommy!" Separation anxiety, what's that? Never really experienced that with

Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last

2008-09-02T11:11:00.007-05:00

School supplies in hand, Sage climbed on the big yellow cheese today and started 3rd grade. I love Sage so much, I really do. But I think I love him more during the school year than during the summer. You know, too much of a good thing and all. This morning he popped right up when I woke him and gave me no trouble. I expect the meltdown tomorrow when the new 3rd grade smell wears off.So here is

The art of killing the mood:Chapter 1

2008-08-26T14:00:00.002-05:00

The boys were downstairs watching Star Wars: Episode III. Alan and I were upstairs alone in our room. As Alan was rounding 3rd base and going for the home run, we heard Shepard yelling, "MOMMY!" Alan cracked the door and answered, "Yes Shepard, what's going on?" Shepard, "I am wiping myself!!" Alan replied, "Great, you do that" as he is closing the door. But stopped when he heard Shepard yell, "

Pandora's got herself a big brown beaver

2008-08-19T14:22:00.027-05:00

Pandora is our cat. She is a rather large girl--Alan calls her "Kitty the Hutt" but she was our first baby and we love her. But it is not always easy to love her because she's a raging queen diva bitch at times. She is very affectionate to Alan and I but if anyone else tries to pet her she will give them a vicious hiss and sometimes a smack. She doesn't scratch them though, she's a lady.Pandora