Thursday, November 19, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I reluctantly made an appointment with a new girl. I didn't even ask her name--why bother? She wasn't Anna Paula. And not only wasn't she my wonderful deaf Brazilian, but she was terrible. I had the 2nd worst waxing experience of my life. During the waxing she kept making that sucking air sound through her teeth--you know, the sound you hear when you see something really gruesome and you think, "That's got to hurt!" I left with a black and blue crotchital area and a vow to NEVER wax again.
Throughout the summer I tried shaving but that's just not pleasant. The result is itchy, bumpy, sharp stubbleness. (And Brer Rabbit said, "Whatever you do, please don't throw me in that briar patch!!") So when the weather turned, I just gave up and let it go. Until...last week. Alan, while staring at my area, asked, "So, what are you doing with that?" I said, "I'm growing my winter coat. You got a problem with that?" He said, "No, no problem. I was just wondering." Mmmm Hmmmm...just asking. Right.
So I called the spa and made another appointment for a bare bikini (somewhere between a bikini and a full Brazilian.) I also made sure I didn't get the savage who waxed me last. I was still dreading it until I met Skyler, my new waxer. She was sweet, easy to chat with, gentle, and fast. Best of all, she wasn't intimidated by, as Alan called it, my 70's Porn star look. I didn't think it would ever happen again, but it did...I love her. And the sun is once again shining on my hoo-ha, so to speak.
Monday, November 09, 2009
Friday, November 06, 2009
I volunteered to bring in a Halloween snack for Shepard's kindergarten class. I decided to go all out--I made bloodshot monster eyeball cupcakes, square pretzels half dipped in chocolate and black and orange sprinkles, and string cheese cut into the shape of a creepy finger with a slice of grape for the fingernail. It took me most of the evening before and the morning of snack day to complete the food. On snack day, I personally delivered the snacks to his class and helped the teacher serve them on carefully chosen Halloween napkins.
That afternoon when Shepard arrived home I asked him, "Shepard, did you like the Halloween snacks I brought to your class?" He replied, "No, it was yucky. I didn't eat it." Shepard is an extremely picky eater and if things look the least bit different he refuses to try it. However, I had worked so hard and I felt really down about it. Alan had a talk with him that evening and told him, "Shepard, you really hurt Mommy's feelings. You should apologize to her."
So the next day, Shepard came up to me, took my hand as he looked me in the eyes, and said, "Mommy, I am sorry your snacks were yucky."
Monday, November 02, 2009
Let me present to you...da da da daaaaahhh...
Captain Roadkill and Wal*Mart Woman!!!
I bought most all of my costume components at Wal*Mart! Can you believe it? I even had one of my neighbors say that I looked hot. Alan agreed and kept wanting to do rude things to Wal*Mart Woman. Man, if I knew dressing trashy would make me this desirable I would have started a long time ago.
Save money, Live Better.